the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
