i permit you to call me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
