no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
