I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
