His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
