Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dicks are not precious.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
