I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
