I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have aggressive nipples.
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