I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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