told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
