woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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