he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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