Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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