hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
