her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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