When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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