I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
