he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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