shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was