Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?