he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.