I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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