um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So vagazzling was a success
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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