Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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