What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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