Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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