I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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