I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
