just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
