nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
