How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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