I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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