well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is Oprah even human
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
