I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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