I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
