I smell stomach acid.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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