He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
