Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
