he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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