did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you will always have a special place in my vag
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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