U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
