I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize