They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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