I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
