SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
