wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize