Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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