they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
