I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
