she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
