If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
