Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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