What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
