I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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