My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
