I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
