youre lurking in front of me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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