GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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