Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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