I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
