Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
