He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
