Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Randomize
