Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
