Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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