he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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