That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
