I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
